


Five Times Taako Was In Trouble, and One Time Someone Else Was Finally

by EdgarAllenPoet



Series: Lucretia's Volumes [My Balance Fics] [7]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Gen, Kid Fic, Post-Canon, Tiny Twins, Trouble, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 04:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18380966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: "Taako had been in trouble his entire life-- it was honestly just a state of being at this point.  A circumstance of reality.  A occupational hazard of simply existing in this plane.  He’d been trouble as a little kid, and he’d been trouble when he was living on the road, and he’d been trouble the entire first century of his growing up, and during whatever fuzzy parts his brain wouldn’t allow him to remember-- he was sure he’d been trouble then too."Taako gets in trouble and counts the lessons he learns as he makes his way through life





	Five Times Taako Was In Trouble, and One Time Someone Else Was Finally

**Author's Note:**

> This actually turned out... a lot nicer than I meant it to? It was supposed to be goofs and giggles, and it turned into fucking parallels. Fuck yeah. 
> 
> Wrote the last bit while drunk, so fingers crossed it turned out right. Drunk while posting it too. Gotta let Jesus take the wheel on this one.

The twins were six years old when they first met their aunt Julip.  She was tall and old, and she wore a massive wizard’s hat and had soft shoes that didn’t clack against the hardwood floors.  Taako and Lup remember squinting up at her in the office of the orphanage as she introduced herself and asked them if they’d like her to take them home.

 

They weren’t used to being asked things.  With their mama before then it had always been ‘ _go here_ ’ and ‘ _do this_ ’ and ‘ _don’t ask questions_ ’ and ‘ _don’t be so loud_ ’ and _‘would you just stop bothering me_?’ which wasn’t a question, even if it sounded like one.  They’d learned very quickly to do as they were told and try to stay out of the way, and the orphanage afterwards had been much of the same, except that there were more kids and less attention and the grownups got mad at them when they tried to do things by themselves.

 

Aunt Julip didn’t get mad though.  She asked them if they wanted to live with her, and she didn’t scold them for talking on the trip to her house, and she had a big brown horse that let them tug on his main and didn’t mind carrying all three of them.  Aunt Julip let them stay in an inn on the trip back to her house, and she let them order whatever they wanted for dinner, and she didn’t get mad when they were too excited at bedtime.

 

Taako was pretty sure it was too good to be true.  He’d known a lot of grown ups-- their mama, and her friends, and the teachers at the orphanage, and the police that were mean and angry with them when they cried as they were taken away-- and he knew that they promised to be nice and good, but they always changed their minds.  Grown ups didn’t like kids, and they didn’t stay nice for long, so while they liked it at Aunt Julip’s house because she gave them a room all to themselves and they had _two_ beds in their room that they could share and she let them help her cook dinner and play in the yard whenever they wanted, Taako didn’t hold his breath.  She was gonna get mad, or get mean, or she was gonna give them away.

 

Their mama threatened to give them away all the time, and look what had happened.

 

He was sure he was right one week after moving into Aunt Julip’s house.  She’d asked them to help her out in her orchard, said it was time for the junipberry harvest.  She didn’t get mad when they climbed in her junipberry trees, and she didn’t get mad when Taako slipped and fell out.  She just caught him with what she called a “Bigby hand” and set him down gently on his feet.

 

After a while, though, she’d shooed them off to the porch with a basket of fruit and what she called an “important job.”  They got a bucket of water, and a bowl to sort the fruit into, and Taako didn’t mean to eat as many as he did. He also didn’t mean to turn himself purple.

 

He didn’t realize he’d done it until Aunt Julip found them, and she stared down at them with the kind of shocked face that grown ups get before they get mad, and she asked them what happened.  Taako looked down at himself and found purple hands, purple arms, and purple clothes. The porch was dyed purple too, where he’d been touching it. There were two perfect handprints that matched his own, purple stained right into the wood.  

 

He didn’t mean to, he really didn’t, but he knew that he’d probably ruined everything.  He started to cry.

 

Lup had gotten angry at that.  Lup stood in front of him with balled up fists and shouted that “He didn’t mean to!” and “I’ll clean it up!” and “Don’t touch him!”  They’d done this before, stepping in for the other and kicking and screaming and biting to keep the other safe, because grown ups weren’t going to keep them safe, so they had to protect each other.

 

Their mama had told them that, told them that the only thing they had in the world was each other, and they had to keep each other safe.  She told them the world is mean, and that they needed each other. She was mean too, Taako thought.

 

It turned out that Aunt Julip wasn’t.  Aunt Julip plopped down right there in the dirt and talked to them, until Lup stopped shouting and Taako stopped crying, and she asked with a curious voice why they were afraid of her.

 

Taako thought that was a dumb question, but adults asked a lot of dumb questions like that.  Lup answered for him, explaining that adults got mad and shouted and they threw things and they hit’cha.  

 

Aunt Julip made them promise something that day.  She told them that she’d never been around kids before, and that she might need help to get it right.  She told them, “You mind me the best you can, and you talk to me if you think something isn’t fair, and the next time someone tries to hit you, you stomp hard on their foot and you run, and you remember that it wasn’t your fault at all.”

 

She waited for them both to promise, and then she shooed them off to take a bath “Before Taako turns purple forever.”

 

Taako thought that he might like to be purple forever, and he said that, but then Lup pointed out that they wouldn’t be identical if Taako turned purple, and he quickly changed his mind.  Aunt Julip helped them with the bath, even though they knew how to do it themselves by now and didn’t need any help. She poured something in the tub that smelled like flowers and made Taako’s skin feel funny, and he decided that it was okay, even if they didn’t need her help.

 

He told her that, just to see if she would get mad.  Instead she smiled at him, and she tugged gently on his ear, and she told him that sometimes getting help was okay even if he didn’t need it.

  
  





At nine years old they were, in Taako’s opinion, far too old for time out.  Time out was for babies, and he didn’t know what Aunt Julip was hoping to accomplish anyways by sitting them in a corner all afternoon and waiting for them to apologize.  They weren’t going apologize, because they weren’t sorry, and they would sit there as long as it took for her to realize how stupid this whole thing was, and—

 

“Thank you, Lup, you can come out now.”  Taako swiveled around with an outrage gasp and glared at his sister.  She looked back at him and stuck her tongue out before turning and running out the front door.  Taako kept staring after her, sitting up taller in his chair and twisting around to look out the window.

 

“Face the wall,” his aunt reminded him, and Taako’s temper came to a boil.

 

“But it isn’t _fair_!” he whined, slouching in his chair and kicking forlornly at the wall.  “Why does she get to go!?”

 

“Because she apologized.  When you apologize, you are free to go.”

 

“I’m not gonna,” he insisted, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking at the wall repeatedly.  Aunt Julip didn’t even notice, she didn’t tell him to stop or anything, and it wasn’t fair. He was so bored.  “You can’t make me!” he demanded, searching for something.

 

And his aunt said, “That’s just fine, but you’re not leaving that chair until you do.  I have all the patience in the world to outlast naughty little boys.”

 

He wasn’t naughty, he wasn’t little, and he wasn’t apologizing.  Taako huffed and whined and kicked the wall again, and Aunt Julip sat in her chair and read, and it was the worst afternoon ever.  The afternoon came and went, and Taako was half-asleep in his chair when Aunt Julip touched his shoulder and set a plate of supper on his lap.  

 

“Can’t I eat at the table?” he whined.  She raised an unamused eyebrow.

 

“You may eat at the table when you apologize.”  

 

Taako had absolutely no intention of doing that.  He jabbed grumpily at his dinner and listened to his aunt and sister talking in the other room, and he didn’t even end up eating.  His stomach hurt, and maybe it had been dumb to eat that much jam, but Taako still wasn’t sorry.

 

It had been an excellent heist, and Aunt Julip hadn’t even caught them until after the fact.  He was proud of them. He knew she was teaching them magic, and that Lup wanted to grow up to be a wizard, but Taako wanted to be a rogue.  He’d be great at it. He could sneak and steal and plan heists, he just had to practice.

 

Rogue’s didn’t get put in time-out, though.  These were just absolutely unfair circumstances.  

 

They didn’t have a set bedtime at Aunt Julip’s house, just a loose rule that if they started yawning it was about time to head upstairs.  By the time Lup was turning in for the night, Taako was half-asleep in his chair again, but he still wasn’t moving and he wasn’t apologizing.  It was a matter of pride.

 

Lup went to bed, and Taako nodded off in his chair, and the clock read eleven o’ five at night when Aunt Julip came and crouched down next.  He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glared at her, face determined and serious. She sighed heavily in a way that meant she was getting tired of his nonsense— they saw that face a lot, but it was okay, because Aunt Julip could get tired without getting mad and mean.  Taako didn’t let it change his mind, though. He frowned at her.

 

“You’re not going to apologize, are you?” she asked eventually, and he shook his head.  

 

“No, cause you said that we apologize when we’re sorry for something, and I’m not sorry I ate all that jam, and if I apologized I’d be lyin’ and you said that lyin’ is bad usually.”  She made the face that meant she was thinking it over and nodded a few times.

 

“Sounds like you’re at least learning something,” she said, and Taako nodded.  

 

“I don’t see what I have to be sorry for anyways, it’s just jam, and I don’t see why you get to decide who eats it and when if I helped you make it in the first place,” he explained, because Aunt Julip didn’t get mad at them for explaining things.

 

“You know that jam was supposed to last for the whole year,” she replied, and Taako hadn’t known that.  He hadn’t thought about it. “The two of you ate seven jars altogether, and we won’t be able to make anymore until the next harvest.  You’re a smart boy. When is the next one?”

 

Taako screwed his mouth up and thought, kicking the wall idly as he did so.  “Not till August….”

 

“And what month is it now?”

 

He frowned again.  “April…”

 

“So you see why we have a problem.  No jam at all until harvest time. It’s not fair that you ate it all in one day.”

 

Maybe she had a point there.  He knew she’d explained that to them earlier when she’d sat them there in the first place, but he hadn’t been too keen on listening then.  He crossed his arms again and chewed on his lip.

 

“No, I guess it ain’t fair…”

 

“Isn’t.”

 

“Isn’t fair…. But I’m still not sorry, so I’m not gonna apologize, you can leave me here all night if you want, I’m not even tired.”  He stifled a yawn.

 

Aunt Julip sighed and rubbed her hand over his eyes.  She pinched the bridge of her nose and said, “Can you at least promise me that it won’t happen again?”

 

Taako thought that over.  He’d mostly done it because he and Lup wanted to see if they could, and now that he knew, there wasn’t much point of trying again.  That, and his stomach hurt pretty bad. He hadn’t even touched his dinner, and it was one of his favorites. He didn’t get to help her make it either, and that sucked.  Taako sighed and nodded.

 

“Fine, I won’t do it again.”

 

“Promise?” she asked, holding out a pinky finger.  Taako wrinkled his nose up. More baby stuff.

 

He hooked their fingers together and said, “Yeah.  Promise. Whatever.”

 

“Let’s get you some ginger tea, and then you ought to go up to bed.  I’m sure Lup misses you,” Aunt Julip said, standing up and pulling his chair away from the corner.  He gaped up at her a bit, surprised she knew about his stomach ache. She glanced down to find him staring and threw him a wink.  His aunt knew all kinds of magic.

  


  1.   
Taako’s feet ached as he ran barefoot on the cobblestone.  They’d gotten in a fight a while ago, and someone had stolen Lup’s shoes.  Taako had given her his shoes because they were twins and they had to take care of each other, and it made more sense to give her both than to have them both wear one.  He could hear her running behind him, shoes clapping against the stone as they ran. His legs ached, his lungs burned, his hand was tired where it was clutching onto Lup’s for dear life.



They had to get out of there, because the guy they’d pissed off was big and mean and he’d hit Taako hard enough to knock him over sideways.  They weren’t babies, they were getting tall and strong, but they weren’t tall enough or strong enough, and they didn’t know enough magic to win this one.  Their only choice was to run.

 

They’d been hoping to stay on that caravan for a while.  It was comfortable, and there weren’t too many other kids around, which meant there wasn’t anyone to fight for dinner.  The adults in the crew weren’t half-bad. They told stories, and the bard let Lup look at his violin, and the horse keeper let them have a sip of his flask one night around the campfire.  Taako had only tasted cooking wine before then, and he didn’t like the stuff in the flask that burned his throat and made his eyes water, but he did like being treated like a grown up. They were grow enough, he figured.  They’d been on their own for almost two years now.

 

It wasn’t his fault that the guy was mean.  They were traveling with a small carnival with side shows and acrobats and a guy who knew magic tricks.  The acrobat ladies didn’t mind it when Lup hung out in their tent and asked them questions— they helped her put on makeup and let her try on skirts and scarves, and they laughed about it quietly, but they weren’t mean.  It was that guy’s fault for calling Lup his _brother_ .  It was that guy’s fault for calling Lup a _pervert_ and telling her to stay away from the ladies’ tent and _mind his business and grow up already._

 

Taako didn’t let anyone mess with his sister, and the tall guy didn’t like smart mouth kids.  He smacked Taako across the face with the back of his hand, and Taako didn’t think twice before kicking him hard in the shin and stomping on his foot and spitting.

 

He would have done more damage if he’d been wearing shoes, he supposed.  The guy didn’t seem very affected at all. He snatched Taako up by the scruff of the neck, and Lup panicked and shot a fireball to get him to let go, and now they were running.

 

He hoped they could sneak back in later to grab their stuff, because all they had on them was their coin bag and their shoes.  They didn’t have their bed rolls or their Aunt’s spell book or their clothes or Taako’s hat.

 

They ran, and ran, as fast as they could and as far as they could until they were sure they weren’t being followed.  They ducked down an alley and found an empty produce stand, and they crawled through a hole in the side and shooed away the spider they found occupying it.  They breathed silently through hands pressed over their mouths and noses and curled up close together and Taako could tell Lup was trying not to cry.

 

“We’ll go back,” he said, “They ain’t leaving till tomorrow anyways, we’ll go back and we’ll get our stuff, and we’ll find a new job, it’ll be okay.”

 

“You don’t gotta do that, Koko,” Lup said, voice shaking, and Taako didn’t like seeing Lup like that.  Lup was strong and brave and she yelled at people that were mean to him, and she knew how to throw fire, and she figured out where to go when they couldn’t stay with their aunt.  Lup wasn’t supposed to be scared and sad. Taako wasn’t supposed to make her feel that way.

 

He scooted closer to her, until they were pressed together all along their sides, gangly long legs tucked tight to their chests, and he hooked his chin over her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her middle and squeezed her tight.

 

“He was mean to you.  People don’t get to say that shit about you.”

 

“He hit you,” she spat back, and he squeezed her again.

 

“He’s an asshole.  Only assholes go around hitting people that are smaller than them.”  Aunt Julip had taught them that, and they’d been on their own for a while now, but they still couldn’t talk about her without it hurting something sharp in his chest, but he knew what she taught them.  Their mother had taught them that the world was mean and that they had to keep each other safe. Aunt Julip had taught them to stare the world in the eyes, and to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and that if the world was mean they were allowed to be mean back.  

 

She taught them that it was okay to cry, so Taako just clutched Lup tighter and let her sniffle against his shirt.  Lup was strong and brave, and Lup took good care of him, and she threw fire at people that deserved it. But sometimes Taako could be the older twin, too.  He could be strong and brave, and he could hold his sister as she cried, and he could take care of them.

 

He had to.

 




“We’re going to be space explorers,” Lup said, knocking her beer against a nearby patron’s.  “We leave tomorrow!” she exclaimed, “Somebody buy me a drink!”

 

“I’ll buy you something,” a strange man said, appearing at Lup’s elbow and pulling her into a twirl.  She grinned and spun with him, landing in his arms. She tossed the rest of her beer back and set her mug aside, grinning up at her dance partner without a care in the world.

 

Taako eyed him carefully.  Lup was more than capable of taking care of herself, and Taako knew that he didn’t have to worry.  Any funny business, and she’d set the man’s pants on fire and take his shoes. But that was his _heart_ there, dancing with a total stranger and pretty well sloshed.  He tossed the rest of his drink back and sauntered up to them. He leaned an elbow against the man’s shoulder and threw him a grin, then turned to Lup and said, “How about a game of pool?”

 

“What do you say, handsome?” Lup asked the man, trying to rope him in.  “You up for a friendly game?”

 

“Friendly?”

 

“With a price.  A friendly bet, homie, what do you say?”

 

The man said yes, because of _course_ he did, and he dragged a friend over to join them.  The friend wanted very little to do with Taako, and that was fine.  Taako didn’t need to flirt to mop the floor with someone. He and Lup had gotten a gig working a tavern when they were nineteen years old, and between cooking meals and waiting tables, they’d had plenty of time to perfect their art.  They could do every trick in the book with a pool table, and a few that weren’t even in the book. They even had a strategy.

 

Make a small bet and let the strangers win the first one, but play poorly in a way that suggested they didn’t know they sucked.  Act indignant and demand a rematch, raise the bet, and act stupid enough to make it work. It _always_ worked.  Between their plain skill and Lup’s distracting conversation with her gentleman caller, it was laughably easy to win the game “by the skin of their teeth.”

 

Their third game was for realsies.  They raised the bet higher than the second, knowing the guys would be frustrated and have something to prove, and then they brought out the big guns.  The spins and jumps and curves, all a matter of simple geometry. They could play this game wasted, and they were quite good at it.

 

Sometimes it went fine.  Their guests left with their tails between their legs, or Lup and Taako were able to sneak away unnoticed, pocketing their money and fist bumping as they ran into the night.  Sometimes it went a little less than fine.

 

The men were pissed, but they weren’t violent about it, and it was almost too easy to slip away to another part of the bar. Lup wandered off towards the bar, while Taako leaned contentedly back against the wall and observed the room from the shadows.  He ticked off the members of his crew like a checklist-- Magnus was dancing with someone across the room, Lup was chatting up the bartender, Barry was sitting near her at the bar and not doing much of anything. His eyes swept the room again and found Lucretia, sitting at a table in the corner and scribbling away, some mammoth of a person towering over the table, Merle standing up in his seat and speaking with him, pissed off expression on his face.

 

Taako lived for drama.  He snuck over, keeping his distance and not planning on getting too close.  

 

Over the din of music and drunken chatter, he heard Merle’s gruff voice all but shout, “How about you go find someone else to bother, huh?”

 

“It’s fine,” Lucretia said, gathering her stuff up and slipping out of the booth, “It’s getting late anyways, I’ll just--”

 

The guy reached out and snatched one of Lucretia’s notebook out of her hands, and while Taako didn’t get why she was writing at a bar in the first place, he didn’t need the obvious outrage that painted Lucretia’s face to tell him that was a dick move.

 

“If you don’t mind,” she said, glaring, reaching for the book that he held above his head and far out of her reach.

 

“Give me kiss and I’ll give it back,” he replied.  Disgust crossed Lucretia’s features. Merle was yelling.  Mother of fuck.

 

It was as natural as reaching out and taking it, casting a quick cantrip and using Mage Hand to take the notebook right from the guy’s fingers.  Taako dropped it back into Lucretia’s arms, and he meant to stay out of the situation from there, but then the guy spun towards him and snarled. Taako straightened his spine and said “She’s not interested, my man.  Leave the nerd alone.”

 

He hadn’t meant for it to turn into a fight.  Taako wasn’t a hands on kinda dude, but some people just _deserve_ to be eldritch blasted.  Chaos picked up around them as more people jumped into the action and other people scattered.  Merle snuck Lucretia out the back door, and the two of them disappeared. Taako didn’t have the chance to look after anyone else.

 

He shot off an eldritch blast that flung Asshole Number One into a far wall, but also sent himself hurtling backwards.  He smacked straight into a brick wall of a person, who caught him with his hands under Taako’s arms and asked if they needed help.

 

“Oh shit,” Taako said, beaming up at Magnus and wiping blood out front under his nose.  “Forgot you were here, homie, get in on this shit.” One of Asshole’s buddies came running with a pool cue over his shoulder like a baseball bat.  Taako ducked, but Magnus stayed standing and caught the swing with one hand. He snatched it away, broke it over his knee, and flung it to the side.

 

He tried calming the situation, urging people to calm down and step back and earning himself a good punch to the face for his efforts.  Taako did his best to stay out of the way and keep the shots going, searching for Lup as he did so and doing his best to not actually get hit or grabbed on the way there.  He was a little guy. He wasn’t made for this shit.

 

One guy landed a hit on him, but before Taako could even respond Magnus was lifting the guy off his feet and tossing him across the room.  Taako found Lup at his back. The whole room was swamped in chaos, and he was a little proud. Magnus grabbed Taako with one hand and threw Lup over his shoulder with the other, then he ran for the door, and Taako was too busy choking on laughter to notice the guards waiting outside the door.  At least, he didn’t notice them at first, not until it was too late.

 

He would point out later that it was Magnus’s fault they got thrown in jail.  

 

Taako and Lup were old experts at this, at getting into trouble and booking it when they needed to.  They’d been arrested very few times, and they’d gotten put in jail even less so, usually able steal themselves away before it was too late.  

 

So maybe he could take the blame for starting the fight in the first place, but getting arrested for it was entirely Magnus’s fault.  They darted out the front door, found a horde of guards waiting for them, and instead of running like a _sane_ person, Magnus skidded to a stop and raised his hands.  Taako could have run if Magnus wasn’t holding onto him. They _all_ could have run if Magnus hadn’t listened to the damn officers.

 

Which was how the twins found themselves in a situation they’d managed to avoid for decades, pressed shoulder to shoulder in a chilly jail cell, sharing a too-small bench with Magnus and doing their best not to make eye contact with a rather terrifying cellmate.

 

They weren’t sure who made the call or what gave them away until Davenport showed up to bail them out, a rather sheepish looking Barry J. Bluejeans standing behind him.  

 

“I saw you guys get hauled away, and I didn’t-- I mean, I don’t have any gold, and I figured-- like a C.O. is as good as anyone, y’know, and I just thought….”

 

“Thanks a lot, Barold,” Taako snapped back, while Lup stared dejectedly at the ceiling, and Magnus looked ashamed enough for all of them.  

 

The dressing down they got for the bar fight was something truly spectacular.  If Taako hadn’t been in trouble literally his entire life, it probably would have affected him.  It _almost_ affected him since Davenport was actually a really cool dude, and probably the only authority figure Taako had ever met that deserved even an ounce of his respect.

 

As it was, while Magnus was practically on the brink of tears for Davenport’s entire lecture, the twins did their best to look attentive and respectful while counting down the minutes for this talk to be over.  It was four a.m. the night before they were meant to set off, and their meeting time was a mere three hours away. Davenport had gotten up in the middle of the night to bail them out, and he’d dragged them all back to his office at the academy, where he stood on his desk and delivered a scathing lecture while clad in the world’s tiniest set of pajamas.

 

“Do you have _anything_ to say for yourself?” Davenport demanded, and Magnus sniffled.

 

He said, almost immediately, “I am really, _really_ sorry,” and Taako barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

 

Lup clicked her tongue and said, “Yes, I’m also sorry,” without a hint of sincerity, and Taako turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry we got _arrested_ , I guess,” he said truthfully, and Davenport blanched.  “I mean, the bar fight? Not exactly my fault. That dude was a class A _dick_.  Somebody needed to knock his teeth in, my dude.”

 

“As members of the most elite scientific expedition of our time, it is our duty to uphold a certain standard of behavior,” Davenport lectured, crossing his wrists at the small of his back.  “Additionally, ‘ _my dude’_ is not a proper way to address a superior officer.”

 

“Right, right,” Taako said, “ _Captain_ , got it, but hear me out.  The bar fight? Not our fault.”

 

Davenport let out a weary sigh and said, “Taako…” in a tone of voice Taako was pretty accustomed to.  Magnus was staring at him from the corner of his eye, eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and face a little bit pale.  Lup was levelling him with a bored expression from the other side, and Barry was pacing nervously in the corner. Taako elected to ignore all of them.

 

“Sorry, but I’m _not_ sorry, captain,” Taako said, because saying it without meaning was pointless, and he respected Davenport enough to be honest.  Davenport sighed again.

 

“Go,” he finally said, waving them off.  “Everyone go, and see if you don’t get yourselves arrested on your walk to the dorms.  And Taako--”

 

Taako stopped mid-step to glance back at the gnome.  “Yes, captain?”

 

“If you’re going to cause trouble, at least try and be smart about it.”

 

Taako pocketed that piece of wisdom and threw him a salut.  Lup snickered behind her hand, and Magnus offered a “yes, sir, erm, captain.”  The three of them, with Barry trailing behind, made their way out of his office and down the hall, and the second they stepped into the cool night air, Lup burst into giggles.  Taako couldn’t help it, he laughed too, and Magnus and Barry were close behind them.

  
  
  





Taako had been in trouble his entire life-- it was honestly just a state of being at this point.  A circumstance of reality. A occupational hazard of simply existing in this plane. He’d been trouble as a little kid, and he’d been trouble when he was living on the road, and he’d been trouble the entire first century of his growing up, and during whatever fuzzy parts his brain wouldn’t allow him to remember-- he was sure he’d been trouble then too.

 

But this level of trouble was new.  This trouble was truly above and beyond, even for Taako.  This trouble punched him right in the gut and knocked the wind out of him, as he watched the audience at _his_ show eat _his_ food and start to drop dead at his feet.  

 

He and Sazed hadn’t had much of a choice.  They packed up and ran. Out of town and through the forest and into the countryside, stopping only to water the horses before taking off again, they ran for _days._ Some stupid part of him said that this felt familiar, that he was running, but at least he had someone at his side.  Some stupid part of him was totally _delusional_ because he’d been running on his own from the time he was born.

 

The trouble, though.  That _was_ familiar.

 

This was real trouble.   _Murder_ trouble.  Taako could go to jail indefinitely.  Taako could be executed for this. Not only was it wrong legally, it was wrong _morally_.  Taako had done a lot to survive in the past, but he’d never committed murder.

 

And then he woke up one morning on the side of the road with his knapsack and nothing else.  The wagons were gone. The horses were gone. Sazed was gone, that son of a bitch, but it wasn’t like Taako could blame him.  

 

He set off on the run, traveling through the woods at night and hiding in the brush during the day.  He kept his head down and his hat pulled over his eyes, and he bounced between small towns that had never heard of him and did jobs he’d never imagined.  Never cooking, though. Never again.

 

A century alive and alone and he’d never gotten himself in this deep before.  He’d never had to tear down wanted posters as he passed by them, never had to cast disguises on his face and change his voice to keep a low profile.  

 

He’d never, in all his time alive, gotten in this kind of trouble.  He tried to think back for life lessons to help him out, knowing that years and years of lectures should have left him with _some_ sort of wisdom.  Too bad Taako was an idiot.  Too bad he never fucking _listened._

 

He thought back to his aunt, felt a headache when he prodded at the memories too far and _knew_ that something there was missing.  His mother had taught him that the world was mean, that there was nobody to watch his back, nobody to keep him safe.  It was him against the world, and that much seemed true enough. His aunt had taught him to keep his head high, which he couldn’t anymore.  She’d taught him to cook, which he didn’t dare. She taught him to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and that when the world was mean it wasn’t always fair.  She’d taught him it was okay to cry.

 

So he let himself, pressing his robes to his face to muffle the sound, he sobbed into the empty darkness of the woods and remembered another lesson from a figure he couldn’t place.  That if he was going to cause trouble, he ought to try and be smart about it.

 

Well it was too damn bad that Taako wasn’t smart about anything.  Not smart, not wise, but maybe hopefully he could be clever enough to survive.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It had been twelve days.  Twelve days and Taako was _furious_ .  He’d worried himself absolutely sick, pacing ruts into their hardwood floors and scaring the cats with his trance-like activity.  Kravitz had said this job was easy; he’d said he’d be back in a matter of _hours_ .  When he didn’t come home in the evening, Taako didn’t worry.  He figured it was fine. The astral plane was weird, different, and Kravitz still had a hard time keeping track of time in the material plane after centuries without the habit.  That was _fine_.

 

But then Tuesday turned into Wednesday, and Taako woke up _alone_.  He went about his business, even stooping to cleaning the house when he couldn’t stand sitting still anymore.  He cooked breakfast and picked at it, cooked a lunch that he let go cold, and prepared a dinner that he threw away as the clock crept closer to midnight.

 

Thursday rolled in and away, and Friday wasn’t anything spectacular, and Kravitz still wasn’t home.  

 

Taako went out, went to Magnus’s and let Johann sniff at him and threw a stick a few times just to have something to do with his hands.  He didn’t talk about it, and Magnus didn’t push, even though Taako could tell that he wanted to.

 

A week in and he broke, he went to Lup and Barry and did his best to act like nothing was bothering him.  When they pushed-- because they could read his mind, and they’d always been a little less tactful than Magnus when it came to intrapersonal stuff-- he cracked and asked if they knew anything.  If they’d _heard_ anything.  Lup promised to check.  Barry reassured him that Kravitz would be fine.

 

On day twelve he went to visit again, absolutely sick of his own company but unable to spend another gods damn second around Magnus and his ‘pretending not to worry’ act.  Barry was out, doing something or other, Taako didn’t ask. Lup welcomed him inside, pressed a kiss to the side of his head, and said she was just about to take a bath but he was more than welcome to make himself at home till she was done.

 

By their front door was a scythe stand-- not an umbrella stand, not in this household.  While they were more than capable of creating and dissipating their scythes in hand at will, Lup and Barry were goth dorks who thought it was neat to keep their scythes stored somewhere they could see them.  At a moment’s notice they could summon their scythes into their hands anyways, so it wasn’t terribly important where they stored theirs. Kravitz never kept his in the material plane for long, wasn’t much for the dramatics in daily life as he was on missions.  The Taako-Kravitz household didn’t have an umbrella stand.

 

Taako spent as long as he could bear sitting on the couch staring at the thing before getting up and tip toeing across the room.  He nearly expected the thing to disappear as soon as he touched it, but instead he found it cold and steady in his hand, a little lighter than he was expecting, incredibly well-balanced.  He just held it for a moment, trying it out, put both hands around the staff like a sword and considered.

 

He knew this was, like, a one-handed weapon or something, but Taako didn’t trust himself not to pierce the walls.  He didn’t give himself much time to consider the consequences of his actions, knowing he only had so much time before Lup came out and found him.  He held his breath, swung the scythe, and managed to slice a hole between the planes.

 

With wide eyes and a cautious step, he clutched tight to the scythe and stepped through the portal, which sewed itself shut at his back.  Walking through Kravitz’s portals always felt like his stomach was falling out from under him, something pulling his soul to the pit of his gut in yearning, and it was worse when travelling solo.  He pushed through, practically stumbled out the other side, and found himself in the presence of the Raven Queen.

 

There was no way to describe Her properly. Her presence was as much subconscious as it was visible, and Her black robes and feathers and face and crown shifted like melting tar before his eyes, constantly scattering position to create something new, never holding still long enough for his eyes to focus.  It was like The Static, almost, except that Taako could feel Her in the center of his chest as She leaned closer to peer at him, and Taako felt dark raven eyes and a beak and a curious stare.

 

 _H̺̬̝͙̪͔̘̘͎͆ͬ͋͒o͍̱̼ͭ̂̑̿̎ͯͪͦw̳͍͎̲̙̘̟̿ͅ ̻ͥ̾̏͆d͇͖̭̩͎ͯͯ̒́̔̄͐i͇̭̬̙̟̺̰̒̈d͖͍̘ͩ̇ ̩̭̹͋̇ÿ̼͓͙̺̞͕̲͕̰́̔͌͆o̬͉̫͎ͪͩͫ̒ͥu͔͓͉͊̊̌̿͛͒̓ ̻̙̘̞̎͒̈g̰͑͛ͫ̈͑̂̓eͪ̒ͨͨͫ̀ͅt͇̹̖̺̖̰ͬ̅ͩ ̭̟̗̝̊ͯͯ̈̊̉ͅh̜̖͒͂ͯ͐͊e͍̳͈͙̒̔͛̔ͫ̊r̬̟̜̤͛̈́̀ͮ̑̍e͈͙̓͊ͩ͊̏̔̚,̝ͩ̓ͣ ̪̠͙͉̟͔͂̐͌ͫc̰̺͓̰̺̅͒́ͪͩͅh̞̩͙̗̰͍͖̎̽͂i̜̹ͥ̅̋ḻ̞͌ͭͧ̄ͪͫͯͅd̥ͦ͊ͥͫ?̩̥̘͇̈͊́̉ͮ́_  he _thought_ more than heard, and his tongue stuck to the roof of

his mouth as he regarded the goddess before him.  He’d met goddesses before. This was old hat. But he’d never waltzed into their presence unannounced and unwelcomed.  He’d never interrupted the goddess his boyfriend served.

 

Even so, Taako was a man on a mission, and he was a savior of the universe.  He refused to be intimidated.

 

“Where’s Kravitz?” he asked, voice firm and unshaking.  

 

She tipped her head to the other side and stayed silent for a long time, and for a short while Taako was sure she wasn’t going to answer him.  He hoped she didn’t banish him for this, didn’t sentence him to the eternal cascade for his failure at reverence. That would be hard to explain to Taako.

 

He tacked on an additional request, saying, “He was supposed to be home days ago.   _Please._ ”

 

Eventually she answered, Ĩ͍̪̻̊ͨ̍ͣ ̪͍͖̦̟͛͛̔s̙̄ͮe̳̠̤͇̗͚͛͋̀ͨ̔ͅe̥ ̯̟͓̹ͫͪh̜̼͚͍ͦ̊ͫ̀̒̂i̻͍̻̖͚̿̿ͮm̤̮͈̗̫̟̪͗ͦ̆̽.̦̬͈̯ ͖͇̹ͤ̌͐ͦͥ͆ ̈́̔̒̅͋̃͊H̼̯̱̰͖͇̅͛̏̀̌è̋ ̼̱̮͇̘̹͛̾̾̍ͩ͂i̗̖͖͖͈͈͉s̘͍̺̥͓̜̾̎͊̐͑ͪ͌ ̩͙t̗̙͔̗͇͓̽͊͑̄̓r̻̻̤̰ͪ̔̅̐̂̀̏y̘̻͍͔̱͓̣ͣ̚ỉ͎͉̯ͨͅṋg͖͎̳̻̾ͨ̑͆̐̉ ͈͔̱ͫ̅̃ͦt̮͈͙̜̖̗̰o͔̪͙ͬ̎ ͈͙ͯͧf̭ī̙̦͉̉̿ͩ̚g̘̞̫̣͉͇̀̐̍ͨ̃͒̀ͅh͖̹̻̺̄t͈̮̬̎ͪ.͍͕̲͓̙̄ͦͅ

 

 _Trying_ to fight wasn’t terribly promising.  Taako didn’t know what she meant by that, didn’t know whether or not he was _okay_ , which is what he came here to find out in the first place.  She sensed this, apparently, or read his mind, because she spoke without prompting and said, H̝̟̺̣͕͚̱͛͂̈̽̈e̻̼̙̪̥̗͒̆͑ͥ̿ ̖ͤ̉̊ͪi̯͈̳̜͎͋̏ͨͬͭs̞͕̤̦ͥͮͥ̄ͩ͗̚ ̿͐̆ͣͨb̋̆̓̇ḁ̹̓̈̐́cͪ̌ḳ ͋t͍̳̹̪̍̂͊͌͌ŏ̲̹̹͋̄ͦ̓̐ͤ ͉̼͓͈̖͙̏͌u̘̗͈̣̮ͅs̔ ̪̩̻̞̩̣̉ṉ̭̪̐͆ȍͮ͛wͨ͊̿̈̈́̃ͪ.

 

Taako didn’t see him, though.  In fact, the only thing that changed in the room-- if it could properly be called that-- was a small light appearing in a far corner.  Taako took a step towards it, curious, and felt some force stopping him.

 

H̭̻̖̬̙̹̯e̞̦̘̎ ̗̹̬n͙͛̄̅̍̀͗ͨe͍̠ẻ̞̭̮͖̰͍͎d̹̞͗̈̒s̠̜ ̳̙̞̺͛̚t̮̮̝̼̲̺͗͗̎ͧ̆̿o̟ͩ ̞̲̜̅r̼̞̬ͩ̔̾̿e̮͚̪̺̗̳ͭͅs̮̞̭̭͓̩͋͊tͧͪ̔͗̏.̀ ̻̗͓̯͕̖̎̈́͂ͮ́̓͆  She instructed. W͓̩͔̝͚͐̐ͣ͂ë̗́́ ͙̓̍̂̈͑w͚̲̣̱̻͚͑ͩͫ̿͐ͥ͆ͅa͉̱͇ͨ͋̎̉̐ī̗̥̠̳̺̀ͭt̳̪̱̻̖̮̮̾ͯ̅͐̆.

 

And Taako wasn’t much for reverence, and he wasn’t much for listening to authority, but something about the Raven Queen’s demeanor calmed him, reassured him that Kravitz really would be fine, if he was a little patient.

  
All these years, and Taako had never properly learned patience.

 

He sat on the floor near Her throne, near enough that it was a chore to tip his head and look up at Her-- so he wouldn’t have to-- but not so near as to seem intimate in any way.  This wasn’t his goddess. He wasn’t here for Her.

 

He settled down, and he decided to work on patience.

 

It felt like a lifetime before Kravitz came back to them.

 

Taako was half asleep, cheek propped up on his hand and eyes closed when he hear a tell-tale tear and a pop.  He heard the thud of someone hitting the ground, landing clumsily on their feet, and Taako was on him before he even managed to open his eyes.

 

He launched himself at Kravitz, no longer scared of appearing desperate after so much time together.  He launched himself at him, let Kravitz stumble to balance their combined weight and keep them upright. “Love, what are you--?” he started to ask, and Taako could feel in the stiffening of his shoulders the moment he realized where they were.  He dropped out of Taako’s grasp and fell with thudding knees into what had to be a practiced posture.

 

“My Lady,” Kravitz whispered.  “Forgive me, I didn’t--”

 

Something like amusement rippled through the air around them, and something called Taako back to the Raven Queen’s side.  He went, knowing he wouldn’t have much of a choice if She willed it anyways. He stood next to Her, and he realized the scythe he’d left at Her feet had vanished.  Huh.

 

Kravitz was glancing between the two of them, mouth slightly agape.  He kept starting apologies, speech formal in a way he must have been used to using with his Queen, but he’d cut himself off every few words to furrow his brow in confusion.

 

“My Queen, I’m sorry, but… Taako, what are you _doing_ here?”

 

Taako realized then that he should have practiced his lecture more, because he planned on giving Kravitz a piece of his mind.  About disappearing, and underestimating mission length, and not keeping in contact. Taako had known the moment he’d seen the light that it was Kravitz’s soul without a form, that he’d been hurt badly enough to have to regenerate himself, had known the information that the Raven Queen provided him without speaking.

 

He felt Her urging at the back of his mind, and he crossed his arms over his chest.  “I’m here because you’re in big trouble, bubeleh.”

 

“I’m in…” Kravitz hesitated, glancing between Taako and the Raven Queen yet again, “I’m in… trouble?”

 

“You sure are, bucko,” Taako answered, while the Raven Queen spoke as well, a spine shivering Y͉̙̖̝̻̯ͥ̈ͮ͆̆̏e̝̣̻͆̍ͯ̓͌͊s̖ͬ̓̊̚.

  
  


Y̫o̘̲̜̮u̱ͧͣ ̥͙̖̮͈̬͎̇̈́ͦ̚r͚̠eͬ̏ȁͯ̌ͯ͑͗͒lĺ̃y͕̰̜̭̼̹̍͊ ̲̞̝͕̻̝͉ͦ͆ḿ̗̦̯̳̺̫͆͋͂͆͋̚ṷ̮͔̰͉͍͉͐̉̉̈́s̑̃̈́͐̌t̘̞̱͉̪̹͔̉̏ͬ̐̑ͬ̇ ̣̰̦̯̲ͯͥ̃͆͆̾̚l̜̮̦e̙̅̎̂ͫa̮̗ͧ̃r͎̬̣̫̻͖nͤ ̺̺̯̞͚̟̀ͨͩ͂̿ͯt͓͓͔̺̯͚͆̐̀̀o͔̝̗̓ͭ̽ͯͩ̽͐ ͎̤̘̙ͤͤ̓ͭḅ͍͈ͩ̀͂͐e͙̮̞̼̓ͧ̃̉̋̾ͅ ̖̪̊̄́͛͒ͭl͚̬ͥ̏̊͒̊̔̏ḛ̬̃ͣ̓̈́́ͮͣs͍̫̣̑ͥ́ͧ͆s̳̳̣̩̼͂ͪ̄ͥ̃ͮ ̝̝͋̍̒́̈́̆̐c͙͕͔̣ͦ́ͣ́͌ͤ̆ã̹͎̒̐͂̍͂r̯͍̜͇̤̯̭͛́͒̀́ě̪̇̔l̖͖̠͖̹ͣͥ̄ͭe̘̲̺̼̻̿ŝ͎͙̼̳ͭ͒̆ͅs̫̜͔͍̈́̅ͦ̅,̤̃̉ ̫̖̘̪̥̝̬̅̽̐̃ỹ̱͔̯̰ͩ͋̃͒͋͊o̞û̝͓̝̘̊͑̾͐ ̣͕̤̖̝͕ͩͯ̓͑ͅh̻̿̃̇͐͛a͎̞̱̞͚̬̩̒ͪ̓͌̎͒ṿ̰̥͓̮̼̖͛e͖̼̖͕̜̩̲͂̐̄ ̼̔ͣ͂͑̋å̞̳̗͕͖̖ͦ̍͂̒ ̺̞͚͎̲f̗͚͓̞͓̖̖͗̋ͩͧa̩̲̹͌ͧ̐mͩ͆̓ͯͨͣi͖̗̻̪̜̥̼l͈̑̂y̹̭̩̰̾͑ͣ ͈̩̹̭͒͐̌ͅn̝̞͎͔̟ͤ̎̓̉̐ͦ̓o̼͉͔͇̗̖̔̍w̐ͧ̈ͅ,̮̹ ̣y͙̯ͩo̦̣̩̙͑̅ͬ̐̓̾̚u ͋ͪ̈́̓̔ͨk͈͓̍̏͒ṉ̩͎͍̲̅͆̓ͩ̓ͯo̠͖̮̯w̻̮̭̭̼͕̟.̞͉͛ͮ̅̈̇.͓̰͎͔̖ͦ͂͛̀ͅ.̦̅̎͆ͯͯ͌….  

 

She launched into a lecture, and Taako knew Kravitz well enough to know that the set of his mouth and tint of his face meant he was thoroughly embarrassed.  Well _good_ .  He _ought_ to be.  He’d had Taako worrying out of his damn mind.  The Raven Queen was, _somehow_ , interrupted though when the sound of tearing time filled the room and Lup’s voice preceded him.

 

“Are you fucking _insane!?”_ Lup boomed, stepping through the rift, robes ablaze with fury.  Taako was wise enough to be a little frightened, but wise enough still to know she would actually set him on fire for this.  “ _You stole my--_ Oh, hello, My Queen-- _You stole my scythe and took yourself to the astral plane, are you_ \-- Oh thank our goddess, Kravitz, you’re alive.  I’m going to kick _both of your asses,_ what the _fuck_!?”

 

And maybe Taako was in trouble again, but he wasn’t terribly concerned about it.  He had a lot of practice being in trouble, and he’d learned a lot of lessons. To trust Lup to watch his back, furious or not, Grim Reaper or not.  To look people in the eyes, to use his manners and not be afraid and think before he acted-- though he ignored those lessons more often than not.

 

He learned patience, recently, apparently, and he was sure there was more to earn in time.  He was still, somehow, after everything _young._  

 

“Doofus,” Lup said, smacking him upside the head before draping her arm over his shoulders and leaning her weight into him.  Taako knocked his head against his sister’s and watched Kravitz try pitifully to explain his absence to the Raven Queen, to justify why exactly he hadn’t bothered calling for help before getting himself evaporated, to stutter out an explanation about how the necromancers had gotten away.

 

It was nice to see someone else be in trouble for once, even if Taako knew they had a long talk coming about _safety_ and _keeping your stone on_ and probably something about _spontaneous visits to the Raven Queen._

 

D̮͕̺͔̼̗o̝͓͖̘̰͌ͩ́̐n̤͚̟̗ͣͅ'͖̙̰̣͔͍͛ͅt̬̽̅̃̋̈ ̤̙̮͎̯̇b̭̩̗ͪ͛̔͒ͪe̙ͅ ̰̹̤̬̙ͬ̏d̞̠͈͕͖ͣ̌͒ͬ͆̽ṷ̻̫̤̰̱͊̿͑̎m̤̬̤͊ͧb̩̞̬̻͔̹̓̀̚,̯̘͉̠̖̗̼̎ ̻͚̬̜͊ͪ̊̉m̟͕̗͙̣ͤ͑̐̑͒ͫͤý́ ͇͚̉ͫͯ͊̈̚c̫͚͎̻ͤ̈̆̋ͬͅhͅi͖̦̥̦͇̙̜l̥̜͍͕̘̭ͅd̞̟͓͓̝̔̌̃͐̆, the Raven Queen interrupted his rambling, and Taako could feel the way her message wasn’t simply directed to Kravitz.  Taako added it to his list of lessons and choked back a snicker, while Lup tore a hole through air and began to guide them all through it.

 

The Raven Queen spoke to Taako’s retreating back, and he carried the message with him into the astral plane.

 

F̟̱ͦ̎̐̅ͤe̻ͦ̿ͪͥ̚e͈̰̩̦̖̫ͯͥ̌̽̓̏̚l̘ ͍͎̳̫̪ḟ̖̻̖̳̟̆r͈̤̯ͬ͆̏ͮͥë̲̥ͯͥ̓ͬe͉̫̤̺͈̲ͭͪ ͖̤͇̥ͦ̌ͧt̲̲̘̟ͧ̄ó̘̗͉̌ ̬̹̫̞͍͌̓ͨr͚̭̫̜̋̿̄̽ͥ̊ͨe͕̼̭͙̣̪t͙̮͕͈͊ͦù͎̫̺ͫ̍̐ͣ͆r̺̣̯͗ͩn̜̻̻̯̼͙̥ͧͬ̒̇̍͋̓, She said, and Taako grinned to himself at the invitation.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me grin like an idiot. Positive reinforcement, homies-- if you talk to me, I'll write more shit


End file.
